PhD Mom

New Location

2009-08-31T15:02:00.001-04:00

From now on, I'm @ http://themomphd.blogspot.com/

Why?

2009-08-29T03:04:00.008-04:00

Why are some women eager to get pregnant? Why are those people so much excited and feeling like can't wait any more? Is it hormones or just learned behavior or a subconscious urge to explore a new experience or an effect of society pressure or jealousy or what?

I can relate to people who have second thoughts, who can't seem to schedule a perfect timing, who are worried that their lives are never going to be the same, who don't want to choose between a carreer and a baby because I'm one of them. I have been married for more than 3 years and it took my poor husband almost 3 years to convince me that we should have kids.

He planned everything for me. He is going to get leave of absence for the year and I'll be done with my classes (hopefully!). I also have some stuff to publish; I'm writing a conference paper which hopefully will help me with my oral PhD qualification -- it's my 3rd year this one. My research is pretty much typed so maybe I can write a good journal paper with it (fingers crossed &). And I admit, I fell for it. We decided to start trying to conceive in November. I wasn't sure when I said OK and it was only a couple of months ago, so why am I excited to get pregnant? Isn't it just absurd? Can somebody please explain it to me?

Redecoration for a fresh start

2009-08-19T21:45:00.024-04:00

I'm trying to write-up a conference paper but I'm sooo exhausted. The sectional we ordered last week arrived today and they just left it on the curb! We had to move it 3 floors up with no elevator.

So, here's the whole story: I sold our (9+ year -) old furniture on craigslist a couple of months ago. They were too big for our weird shaped, tiny living room. OK, they were super comfy but bulky at the same time. They were a good fit for our previous apartment but ... Well, I was just looking for a fresh start, that's all. :) So, we spent the last couple of weeks trying to find a set that not only fits but also utilizes the space efficiently. We already have some bulky items like a big screen tv and a huge cybex. Finally, we realized that it's impossible to fit a set into that space and decided to get either a smaller sectional or a sofa.

We checked every possible color and material; leather, microfiber, twill etc. It was, kind of a hard decision since when you're a PhD student or a tenure-track professor (like we are in this case), you don't know where you end up in 5 years so I just didn't want to spend $2000+ on a sofa that will probably get worn off during a long distance move. Actually, we were about to get a lovely leather sofa but this one had a great deal; 1/3 of the price we're about to pay the leather sectional. BTW, we got this cool coffee table too: http://www.amazon.com/Baxton-Studio-Barbara-Wenge-Color-Adjustable/dp/B001E6TYAQ

Anyway, so we had to carry that 250+ lbs sectional sofa 3 stories up and move that 300lbs-cybex to somewhere else and the packages to recycle, and move the recliner to the home-office and this and that.... Then the organic flour packages I ordered last week arrived (well, yes I do bake my own bread - maybe another post?)... We spent the whole day by carrying stuff up and down, moving things, sweating...

Oh, man. My body is resisting to function anymore and did I say that I have a deadline approaching for a conference paper?

Next day update: I don't experience any soreness at all. Yay! Thanks to the strength training and my lovely arc trainer :)

A big step?

2009-08-14T14:13:00.004-04:00

To be honest, the idea of being a mom never allocated any space in my mind before I got married. I started thinking about the possibility of having a baby around 2.5 years ago and it didn't feel good at the beginning. I won't go into the detail since I guess almost all PhD moms had those times/thoughts at some point.

6 months ago, we decided(!) to start trying to conceive at the end of the year and I finally saw my ob/gyn! This is a big step for someone like me who once considered to live her marriage alone with her husband and with no kids. OK, those days are over but still... I also started taking prenatal vitamins which is I think a bigger step than talking to the ob/gyn about pregnancy.

A big congrats to me, please. :)

Housework dilemma

2009-06-10T16:27:00.005-04:00

I don't know how your significant others are like but mine doesn't like housework (neither do I). But I still cook everyday and try to clean after myself. (We try not to buy anything artificial as long as I can cook/bake – like bread, pizza, burgers etc. - and I admit, I'm a pretty good cook) Well, the cleaning part isn't always happening when I'm in a hurry or in a bad mood. So, as you can guess our house isn't always "guest-ready". :) Not much of a big deal if your family is away and friends are academicians like you are. But...

Every now and then, that untidy living room and messy kitchen bug me and my stress level goes up and up and up... And when I'm stressed, run away as fast as you can, as far as you can. But then again, we're living in a small apartment and there's not much room to hide. This is when we have those "fights".

We happened to have one of “you did this, you didn’t do this” arguments and decided (once more) that it hurts our relationship deeply. My husband came up with a new solution (fingers crossed): we’re going to spend half an hour a day after the dinner, cleaning after ourselves. Kitchen, bedroom, living room etc. And we’re going to spend that time doing some sort of cleaning no matter we have something to clean or not. We both are into sports, so this could be an indoor exercise of some sort. : ) Hope, it works!

The title explains everything, or does it?

2009-06-07T02:32:00.006-04:00

Well, the title isn't actually explaining it correctly. I neither have a PhD degree (yet) nor have any kids. Just planning... I'm a (almost) a 3rd year PhD student at a very competetive, ivy league university. At the age of 25, I'm married for (almost) 3 years and started thinking about having kids. I know, I know. You might think like most other people do; graduate school isn't a very good time to have kids, well, then when is it? Is there a perfect time that I should wait? Or am I going to be at least this busy with life so I will celebrate my 40th birthday with no kids? There's grad school, then there's post-doc, then there's either a faculty position or a job at a male-centered company? (We're talking about computer science stuff) Should I wait that long or can my body wait that long? I can generate infinitely many questions on this topic but does it matter? Could anyone help me to find an answer or is there really an answer?

Anyway, this was a bit hectic but then again I'm living with ADHD. Not one of those who say so but a real one (I wish the opposite, though) My psychiatrist thinks I'm also suffering from imposter syndrome but I refuse to believe her. So, here's the deal. I made up my mind about this baby stuff (I guess), and I'm going to use this pad to clear up my mind when I get frustrated, confused, etc... I'm not expecting anyone to read this, though, it might be helpful to see what others think.

I may talk about myself a little bit more in the future, but we'll see.